Sunday, June 11, 2006

Updates in Television

I should probably preface this by trying to convince you that I do things other than watch television and surf the Internet. I honestly read. I promise, I know you don’t believe me, but I have a big stack of books that I’m reading. Some of them even have literary merit (whatever that is). I know you don’t believe me, but it’s true.

Now on to television.

Okay, so we need to talk, Girls Gone Wild. No, I don’t think you are morally reprehensible or even that tasteless. Drunk girls showing their tits: Okay, whatever, fine. Your new commercials really concern me though. Why? Because it seems that we have run out of places where girls can flash their goodies. The latest commercials feature girls revealing their boobage while skydiving and also on one of those high-altitude planes that they use to simulate no gravity environments. If you are not aware of the phrase “jumping the shark,” Girls Gone Wild, than perhaps you should look it up. Have we really run out of places for chicks to lift their tops? Is your audience really just getting bored of bars? Was there a meeting? Were there memos? “I tell you what, Phil, bars are the past. We are talking jugs in the upper atmosphere! The future, baby! Picture a fetching young broad showing her bazoombas. Now picture her in freefall several thousand feet above the earth. Even hotter, am I right?” I sincerely fear that there are meetings, taking place right now, with Eastern European space agencies (maybe in Kazakhstan) where they are trying to arrange to send girls to outer space for the express purpose of taking of their clothes. What is the world of ultra-soft exhibitionist reality skin DVDs coming to?

In other commercial news: Messing With Bigfoot is great. It’s a series of beefjerky ads. Simple, ridiculous, elegant. Maybe someone has them up on YouTube. Check ‘em out.

In terms of what’s definitely on YouTube, check out some of the latest Daily Show clips. My personal favorite is the clip that they made for the death of al-Zarqawi. Some people feel that the crowing over his death by the administration and the media has been tacky and tasteless. I’m going to have to disagree: If he repeatedly made videos of beheading innocents (a practice that even the rest of al-Qaeda thought was over the top (al-Qaeda thought it was over the top?!)), it’s only fair the he gets sent up by the Daily Show in the style of that which is most American: a goodbye montage set to Daniel Powter’s “Bad Day” ala American Idol.

Also recommended: Jon Stewart’s interview with Bill Bennett.

Also, Rescue Me is still fucking good. Second episode as good or better than the first. FX at 10 on Tuesdays, be there or Uma Thurman will draw a rectangle in the air to complete the phrase in a strangely inaccurate matter.

Oh, one more thing I love: Gnarls Barkley at the MTV Movie Awards. Say what you will about Gnarls Barkley and MTV, but a performance in full Star Wars attire is top notch. If you disagree, I might have to fight you.


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