Confessions

We all got it eventually. Whether we thought it was cool, were pressured by our friends, wanted to see who was in classes, or otherwise justified it, we all eventually did it. We sat down and logged on: We made Facebook profiles.

Everyone expects you to be interested in it initially, but what happens when the interest doesn’t fade? Facebook has a pull to it, and the best of us only get distracted, the worst of us get addicted.

I am no Facebook saint, and I freely admit this. My conscience is burdened with a number of Facebook-related sins. I am not proud of these. I beg that you not judge me too harshly for how awful I am.

1. I have read your Facebook profile. I’ve read it. If you listed a livejournal or a blog, I read it. Like for several months back. I know that that’s how most of you started reading this, so don’t even think about hating.

2. I am so bad at conversation that sometimes, in an effort to get people to like me, I will read your facebook or blog and then talk about something you love and pretend like I didn’t know you liked it and isn’t it cool that we have such common interests?

3. I have looked at all your pictures. I know what everyone was for Halloween and that stupid thing you did when you were drunk. What goes for blogs also goes for flickr and webshots.

4. I have avoided friending people or accepting friendship requests for the following, shallow “problems” in their profile:
a. Favorite books: “I don’t read.”
b. Favorite books: The Notebook, DaVinci Code, Angels and Demons
c. Favorite music: obscenely long list (Who are you trying to impress?).
d. Any Field: “and many more” or “etc” (see above)
e. Favorite music: “Everything but Rap, Metal, and Country” (This tag indicates white, middle to upper class people who suck almost without fail.)
f. Favorite music: “DMB!!!!” (see above)
g. Favorite movies: The Notebook, DaVinci Code,
h. Favorite music: Mars Volta, Coheed and Cambria
i. Wall: The Beautiful Truck.
j. Anywhere: “If you want to know then ask!” (If I wanted to ask I wouldn’t be stalking you over Facebook)
k. Favorite Music: No pop music included. (Liar or boring.)
l. Groups: “We Hate Facebook” or similar. (Liar or pretentious. Probably hates television and pop music)
m. Anywhere: Lists are alphabetized.
n. Favorite Books: No fiction.

5. Sometimes I delete a comma in a random section of my profile so that people who check my profile for changes get confused and frustrated because they can’t find out what I changed.

6. I really miss the Visualize Network feature that made the cool web-like graphic.

7. I get really defensive and angry at people who think MySpace is better than Facebook.

8. I get déjà vu all the time because I will recognize someone in the flesh and not know why until I remember that I had pored over their Facebook just the other night.

9. I check your Favorite Music against your last.fm page for discrepancies.

10. I think you look whore-y in your picture.

I feel cleansed. Feel free to share your Facebook confessions below. Make use of the “anonymous” tag as needed.