FAQ

Today I announce the beginning of a new useful service: Answer-finding. You have questions and I have answers. Definitive answers. Today I seek to answer a batch of questions by Logan of Chapel Hill.

1. Where do you take a ho?
2. What is the speed of light?
3. Are we both trying to remember the same thing?
4. Who started the fire, if not Billy Joel?

Recieve knowledge!

1. To a hotel.
To family reunions.
On the bus.
Home to Momma.
Downtown. Oh yeah!
To the back room.
Aboard the Space Shuttle.
In the vagina.
Behind the Mc Donalds.
The river.

2. 299,792,458 meters/second
299,792,458 benz
1,180,285,267,716.5352 yards/hour
9,712,498.6393089 nautical miles/minute
Mach 880,991.0899527
582,749,918.3585312 knots
1,802,613,915,489.709 furlongs/fortnight

3. Yes. Or no. Depending.

4. This question seems a little naive. The song clearly states: "We didn't start the fire, it was always burning since the world's been turning." This makes it seem unlikely that any human actually started the fire as the turning of the earth is a well documented phenomena that predates not only humanity, but any documented form of life on the planet. Therefore, depending on your theological outlook, the fire was caused by natural forces or some divine force, such as God of the Abrahamic tradition.

Indeed, this issue seems largely moot as "the fire" seems to be one of the few elements of the songs that is metaphorical and not referencing an actual event that occurred during the course of the latter twentieth century.