What To Do Without Me: Part I

"Sometimes, when one person is missing, the whole world seems depopulated." --Alphonse de Lamartine

Yesterday was a mild catastrophe: I did not write anything. I’m sure you had a horrible dilemma, because as we all know, without the Definitive Truth, there is no media to provide you with information or entertainment. I would say infotainment but I would rather be shot in the face. Holy shit. MS Word even thinks that’s a word. Fuck.

So in the event of another emergency where I do not or cannot post anything, I will provide you with this handy guide of what to do without a new post.

Watch television. Don’t give me that snobby moral indignation about not watching television. You are going to watch it and you are going to like it. Here is a handy guide to quality programming which you may enjoy.

Lost – 9 Wednesday on ABC. Why the fuck aren’t you watching this already? That island is full of secrets and until every last one is revealed I will watch it with a scary passion.
Scrubs – 9 Tuesday on NBC. It’s a medical show about interns and young doctors working in a high stress environment and dealing with their problems inside and outside of working. “Like Greys Anatomy?” Yes, except this is funny and not filled with overblown drama and came like four years earlier. Whimsical arbitrary humor beats ridiculously bland drama anyday.
SNL – 11:30 Saturday on NBC. Just kidding. The digital shorts are the only funny thing and you can watch them pirated on the internet without having to sit through the painful rest.
Number One Single – 10 Sunday on E! It’s a reality show about Lisa Loeb looking for a man. I have not watched this show, but I can’t imagine that it is anything but awesome.
Conan O’Brien – 12:30 Mon-Fri on NBC. “Because Everyone Else On Late At Night Sucks.” Besides he is big in Finland.
The Daily Show and The Colbert Report – 11 Mon-Thurs on Comedy Central. What else are you going to watch at 11? The real news? You are not kidding anyone.
The Office – 9:30 Thursdays on NBC. Yeah it’s not the British version, but it’s still better than most other shows on television. So suck it up, whiner, and watch.

Also, apparently there are good shows on HBO and Showtime, but I’m not a rich snob, so I wouldn’t know.