You Sir, Are No Chuck Norris

Let me apologize in advance for the kitsch overdose. I know the SOAP Critical Reader was unnecessary and I’m sure I’m not going to win any friends with this following matter. However, I feel it is necessary that someone address this matter with all due speed.

Gawker has run a post called “David Hasselhoff: Momentary King of Celeb Kitsch” that contains the following line “Now that everyone seems to have calmed down about Chuck Norris, David Hasselhoff has re-re-re-emerged as the fleeting kitsch masculinity icon of the moment.” The article goes on to report that Hasselhoff has proclaimed himself King of the Internet.

I have a problem with this and I will now use the following moments of your time to address the pressing concern. What follows are a series of graphs showing why these claims are false and Chuck Norris is still the fleeting kitsch masculinity icon of the moment.

I wish I was kidding.

First we check out what Google trends says about Hasselhoff and we can see pretty clearly that his star is rising.



Now we plot it against Chuck Norris.



The Hoff is crushed by general traffic, though occasionally he gets an edge in media mentions. Sure Chuck Norris is falling in the public consciousness, but he is still miles above the Hoff, whose chart looks like a flat line compared to Chuck’s.

Is this just Google? Well, let’s check Blogpulse? First DH’s buzz:



He’s clearly climbing. Time to compare it with Norris.



Norris’s buzz is falling, but he still pretty much kicks the ass of the Hoffster. David beats Chuck on three separate days, but every other day, everyone’s favorite Texas Ranger remains king.

So there. Psuedostatistical proof that Chuck Norris’s reign is not over yet. QED and amen.